Oscar time (forgive me, I wrote this in haste)

The Oscars have come and gone again, and once again we realize what a political game it is. What an opportunity for the artistic community to band together and recognize the contributions of their fellow artists. In some cases, I felt the proper participants were acknowledged, while some performances of staggering talent were completely overlooked. I was mildly disappointed that “Little Miss Sunshine” didn’t command more respect from its peers, but then again, foreign-language films rarely do (in this case, the “foreign language” is the language of subtlety; an oft-overlooked quality in modern art).

Another failure, in my opinion, was the lack of recognition for the Spanish-language triumph, translated as “Pan’s Labyrinth.” It received some credit in the peripheral categories such as best makeup, best art direction, and the like. If you look back to the types of movies which typically receive these awards (I’m thinking of Star Wars: Phantom Menace), and this doesn’t seem like a compliment. But this movie had a dark, daring, fresh story, followed up with stunning imagery and strong acting, which all amounted to nothing. And that was disappointing.

But the greatest travesty of the evening, in a room full of actors and directors, was the complete inability of the academy to recognize the genius of Hollywood’s greatest talent. I am referring of course to the great Sacha Baron Cohen. Not only did he not receive an Oscar tonight, but he was shut out of the nominations completely. Irreverent as it was, can you point out a greater performance, much less one that was performed live, on the spot; unrehearsed, and without the aide of a proper screenplay? Cohen has fooled thousands of people in person and onscreen, and has done so through the medium of satire. Despite his lofty accomplishments at exposing the dark corners of western society, because his milieu is comedy, as Rodney Dangerfield would proclaim, he gets no respect. No respect! His performance was not one of mental or physical handicap, nor was he staring in a biopic (mere impersonation); his film did not feature the holocaust (though it did feature the “running of the jew”), and he did not play a sexual predator (though he might be considered a deviant). These archetypes tend to earn one an Oscar, and because Cohen’s performance was radical, brilliant, ironic and fresh, it didn’t stand a chance. And what a shame.

Tired

What a day. Today I was driving under an underpass while a construction crew worked on the underside of a bridge. All of a sudden, something fell from the bridge, which I promptly ran over (it was pretty black in there). As you can see from the following picture, it wasn't a small item that fell down. My guess is a hammer. What's your guess?

All in all, a bad day. Maybe "The Office" will rescue me.

Aimee Mann's Valentine's Revenge

Last night's intended celebration turned into a night of consolation, when I didn't walk out of the immigration office with a greencard. But how better to console ourselves than with the music of the skeletal Aimee Mann? Friends Harrison and Laird joined us at the infamous Largo nightclub on Fairfax in L.A. (i.e. the House that Jon Brion built). It was a subdued night of music and mockery (mockery of Valentine's), as most people who know Aimee's music will know, as she has no true love songs. Mostly almost-love, bitter-love, and tainted-love songs.

Unfortunately, there was no Mike Lockwood-style guitar stunts last night, as it was a foursome, comprised of Aimee on the guitar, along with bass, drums and piano. Still, Aimee's songs are so good that even without the guitar heroics, we had a great time. The night was a lot shorter than a standard Jon Brion night, where he ends up playing well into the wee hours of the morning, but Aimee had recently had surgery on her foot, and was in no condition to play for hours. I felt consoled.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but....?

Look at these pictures. Tell me, do they look like the pictures of a fraudulent marriage, or the photos of a long-standing relationship built on love? These are (some of) the pictures we gave to the government during our greencard interview. We also had some older pictures from a time when I was 40 lbs lighter and had a head full of hair. In addition, we provided as many documents we could provide, the sum total of which was apparently not enough to satisfy the officer that we are truly married. While in the waiting room, we saw people with obvious weight, age and racial differences. Not that these relationships were false, but some of them certainly appeared to be.

Now I’m aware of at least three “greencard marriages,” one of which is even comprised of a gay male and female couple. All three of these couples breezed through the greencard process without any problems. As a legitimate relationship, Dara and I were not able to surmount even this simple obstacle. And I was confident: I mean, this was basically an oral test on a subject for which I am the world’s foremost expert (my relationship with Dara). And yet I failed. Or seemed to. I’ll keep you posted on our progress.

This is what I'm missing

This is my close friend, Rich Atton and his daughter Ellie, standing triumphantly on this mountain of snow in Barrie, Ontario. Climb that mountain guys!

Post 150: A modest proposal*

It is a sore trial on the minds of the collective assembly to unriddle the science that is volleyed back and forth between opposing parties, who debate with vigor the verisimilitude of a planet that is on the verge of global meltdown. With near-equal cogency, advocates for the phenomenon of global warming argue that Greenland’s coastal glaciers are melting beyond rescue, while detractors point out that ice is actually accumulating on Greenland’s interior glaciers. The alarmists point out that 19 of the 20 hottest years on record have occurred since the 1980s, while critics reveal that this may be due to solar variability, and not caused by hydrocarbon emissions. One side claims hurricanes and drought are the symptoms made manifest of a planet in the throws of global trauma, while a 1974 Time Magazine article exposed our history of hysterics, when it revealed that contemporary ‘70s scientists debated the oncoming of a second ice-age, and not a global heat wave.

I think it is agreed upon by all parties that the starting place of this imbroglio, real or imagined, lies in concentrated form beneath the sands of a desert inhabited by a people so philistine in their makeup, that mothers will strap bombs to their newly-weaned children, while fathers praise the deed, and do likewise. Light, sweet crude, whether it is the burning fuse on a ticking global disaster, or the sugary fuel that nourishes society’s economic engine, is concentrated in the hands of a group of fanatics. And thus the problem requires two answers, or else one that is big enough to solve two problems.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance that, in the right hands, the detonation of a nuclear device can be a most effective, and beautiful tool. And here I propose a twofold solution to the aforementioned global struggle: release several of these devices into the atmosphere. The resulting dust cloud from the fabled nuclear winter would serve to mitigate the stress on a planet that is overrun with carbon dioxide emissions which trap solar heat in the atmosphere and slowly heat the planet causing drought, famine, hurricanes and rising sea levels. Or not. In any case, this nuclear winter would cool the planet and silence the Progressives, and in so doing, would allow the oil lobbyists to get back to their predestined task: the preservation and continuance of a robust western economy.

And if you need a suggestion for where to release these bombs, I have but one: release them over the world’s desert sands. Every single sandy desert. Here’s why:

For starters, you’ll need a large enough nuclear dust cloud to provide the needed effect. More importantly, it is an effective military methodology to gain control of an adversary’s resources; this would be accomplished by turning your enemy into glass, and seizing the oil. Closer to home, it will also have the added benefit of rendering desert land impassable (glass being a very difficult surface to walk upon) which will stymie the flow of unwanted aliens, and preserve future generations of xenophobes.

I can think of no one objection that will possibly be raised against this proposal unless it should be urged that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the world. But billions of people burden an already burdened planet, so this can only be a good thing. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: of curbing our excesses and taking the bus; of curing the expensiveness of pride and self-admiration; of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote boundless luxury; of casting off the carnal encumbrance of materialism, and embracing the inconvenience of conservation; of pursuing peace and fraternity, and sharing the principles of democracy, rather than thrusting them upon others; of Promoting, rather than hindering, the study of science, and financing future technologies that will liberate us from the tyranny of fuel; we who have supplanted dearth for superabundance, in a lust that continues unabated.

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, ’till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.

*With generous assistance from Mr. Swift.

Weff Riddles- Batch 1 complete!

I mentioned this riddle site in an earlier post, but it is really worth checking out, for those of you who like to test and stretch your brain. While Dara likes to stretch her brain, she normally doesn't have time for little puzzles and games, as she is a busy woman. Indeed, she originally waved the puzzles off as a waste of time. Yet now, she is a weff riddles champion who is blowing past each riddle with great speed. The ones I can't get, she can, and vice versa. It's been nice to have a project to work on together.

Speaking of needing something to work on: apparently, I have to work on my heavy foot. Today I got a speeding ticket (my first in the U.S.) Considering my delicate (and somewhat tenuous) situation here, it could have gone a lot worse. Still, it's a bad day when you get a speeding ticket. Let's just hope I don't have the same Groundhog Day as Bill Murray did when he kept having to repeat Feb 2 over and over again in (you guessed it) Groundhog Day. If I were to repeat a day over and over again, I wouldn't want it to be this one (although I guess I would be able to re-do the speeding thing and avoid it this time... so I guess that would be good).

Peace out
PS- I just can't watch the TV show Wife Swap. It makes me too angry.