The Best Dream

I had a dream that Dara flew in to see me this Holiday Season. In it, we hung out, went to Newport, drove along the coast and stayed in a beautiful resort. When we woke up, we walked along the beach, watched the surfers ride waves and watched the narcissistic man do yoga. We saw five thousand seagulls fly towards us, and when we finished covering our heads, we caught the beauty of the landscape and I kissed you.

Then the dream got surreal.

We drove back along the coast and just spent hours together in the car before we got home and settled down for a Christmas-Eve rest, with a Yule Log floating in the fireplace. Next morning, we watched four kids’ excitement as they tore through wrapping paper like a tsunami of energy and when we were done, six piles of presents were extent.

My dream was so detailed because I remember eating Christmas dinner, kissing her goodnight when she went to bed, and waking her up in the morning again. I remember her smile with lucid clarity; her kiss, an unambiguous blend of softness and familiarity that brings me home every time.

Thank you for my dream weekend, Dara. I’ll see you tonight in my dreams.

And to everyone else, I wish a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah.

Welcome Home

Well, you’ve traveled far, you stayed up late, you went to bed hungry. But, you’re sleeping only five feet away from me and that’s the best Christmas gift I’ll get this year, by far. Welcome home; I love you.

The Colbert Report

Remember America: don't untangle your Christmas lights; you'll help the economy more if you just buy new ones.

Gotta love Colbert.

Do you hear what I hear?

There's something special about Christmas carols which really usher in the spirit of the season. There are some terrible ones ("I saw three ships...", for example), but there are some really solid carols out there. I think it has something to do with how old the songs are; most have seen at least 150 Christmases. I think classic composers had a better sense of melody and counterpoint. They really captured the spirit of the songs they wrote. Case in point: the most recent carol on my list was written in 1962 with one song going as far back as 1707.

The other thing I'll say about these songs is that you don't fully appreciate them until the refrain. Or sometimes the bridge. But once that refrain hits, the beauty of the song and the way it flows together manifests. I defy you to hum any of the following ten songs without smiling after at least the second verse. G'head, try it.

Myke Harrison’s Top-ten list of favourite Christmas songs:

10) Silent Night (1818)
9) What Child is this? (1865)
8) Carol of the Bells (1936)
7) God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (1833)
6) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (1943)
5) Oh Little Town of Bethlehem (1868)
4) Hark the Herald Angels Sing (1707- 1788)
3) Do you hear what I hear? (1962)
2) Oh Come, All Ye Faithful (1751)
1) Oh Holy Night (1847)

These songs are so beautiful. I envy such gifts as the composers had who wrote them.

Gluttony: the wool we pull over our own eyes.

I agree with this post about how the opposite sides of the political spectrum keep arguing past each other, rather than engaging in effective political debate. It’s the most harmful thing we can do. The left and right are not naturally enemies like the cheetah and the wildebeest. Rather, the left and right are a married couple which, although quarrelsome and often vindictive, originally came together to form a union. It is through this lens of union that we need to look at each other, rather than enemies. We both have different visions of how life and government could properly be run in an ideal world (and, as a consequence of human fallibility, our compromised version thereof), but we both have to start coming together and piecing together something that works, because it’s all about to collapse.

As a left-of-center affiliate, I can acquiesce to the conservative viewpoint that terrorism is a real threat which needs the firm attention of the world community. Again, we may disagree on strategy, but we will be mired in debate and mudslinging for an eternity before we ever get anything done, if we can’t simply start pointing out where we agree.

Dear conservatives, hear me: I have proven that there are those of us in the left who can disengage from hate-mongering, put the weapons aside and grab a tool. Now, in the spirit of cooperation, we have to recognize that our own gluttony is killing us and killing the world. We in the west are blessed with abundance and opportunities for riches and material goods. We can travel anywhere in the world in less than a day, Big Gulps in hand, with a Hummer limo available to pick us up at the airport and take us to our favourite all-you-can eat buffet.

What I’m getting at is this: the Right was so turned off with Al Gore’s assertion that global warming is a bigger threat than terrorism that it has closed its ears, and Al’s pleas fall on deaf ears. This is a common liberal miscalculation: in trying to achieve awareness, the liberals—and especially the liberal media—become fear-mongers, and then what was an important line of reasoning, gets thrown out with the rest of the hype. My fellow liberals, extra exclamation marks don’t add emphasis to your point, they detract!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So let me put Mr. Gore’s words in less impassioned terms: at the rate we are going, we are facing food shortages, power shortages, mass starvation and a change in weather, the likes of which the world has never seen. The problem shouldn’t be looked at in terms of more important or less important than the threat of global terrorism. Terrorism is a real threat and people will die. Global Warming is a real threat and people will die. In both cases, the level of threat and the amount of people who have to die depends on how well left and right can come together and work together like the union they represent.

Inside the Actor’s Studio

One of my favourite shows on TV these days is Bravo’s Inside the Actor’s Studio. The host, James Lipton, is always good for a laugh. To say James Lipton exaggerates is to say that Tom Cruise is just a little weird. No, James Lipton lives in a cloud city known as hyperbole. Still, it’s interesting to watch him gush over his guests, which range in quality and hierarchy from Stephen Spielberg down to “the greatest performer ever to have graced this Earth...Charles Nelson Reilly.”

So James asks ten famous questions, taken from Bernard Pivot’s series, “Bouillon de Culture,” and since I’m going to be a famous director/screenwriter someday, I thought I should practice what my answers are going to be. So here they are, in order:

01. What is your favorite word?

– Irony, because it’s so difficult to understand, yet it enhances everything it touches, creatively speaking.

02. What is your least favorite word?

- Literally, because that word has been completely bastardized. Actually, I’d like to take literally, patch it up and send it back into the world where it belongs. Figuratively speaking, of course.

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

–Mind-blowing talent, like a Jon Brion-type, mixed with unreserved humility (like a Jon Brion type). That’s not to say Jon Brion turns me on. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

04. What turns you off?

-Selfishness mixed with ignorance.

05. What is your favorite curse word?

-Scrumtrellescent.

06. What sound or noise do you love?

-The sound of piano.

07. What sound or noise do you hate?

-The sound of Scott Stapp’s voice.

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

-A writer.

09. What profession would you not like to do?

-Christian rock star.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

-Well, done good and faithful servant. That or, for shizzle my nizzle. That’d be awesome!

Now faithful reader(s), it’s your turn to take the James Lipton questionnaire. Send me your ten answers today!

Narnia vs. Middle Earth

A lot has been made about the relationship of these two books, and rightfully so. Being that their respective authors were both esteemed scholars and professors in a linguistic milieu, they both had a predilection for far-off worlds and both authors were members of an elite group of academes called the inklings, we can see there’s a clear basis for comparison. But while Clive Staples Lewis wrote his fictional Narnia out of a love for children’s literature and a desire to have the kind of book that “[he] would like to read,”

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (sadly I didn’t have to look up either of these names) constructed Middle Earth to slake his insatiable intellectual appetite. Quite simply, The Lord of the Rings is a work of literary and linguistic genius, not to be devalued by its inclusion in geek-lit, escapist arenas.

More specifically, the LOTR “trilogy” is an exercise in creating a world, replete with its own languages, history and customs that go deep. The story of Frodo and the ring is almost an add-on; a small but significant chronicle in the narrative yarn of Middle Earth. The account of Frodo exists to justify the reality of Middle Earth. Narnia is the opposite: a fabrication which exists to serve the story of Aslan, the Pevensie children and their progeny.

That’s not to undercut the narrative value of either book. I’ve read LOTR since I was ten years old, and the Narnia series since before that, and I love them both. But I think Tolkien’s work is the greater, in terms of scope and narrative complexity, not to mention character development. I don’t think Lewis’s format of around 200 pages per book allows the reader enough time to truly sympathize with the characters of Narnia. There are a few exceptions (namely Aslan and the Pevensie children), but these are spread out throughout the series. Lewis’s character, King Caspian, for example, doesn’t command the loyalty and affection of an Aragorn because, quite simply, he hasn’t been on the page long enough.

Translated to the silver screen, I think Narnia’s brevity provided a better opportunity for movie adaptation than for Middle Earth. All throughout The Fellowship of the Ring, while simultaneously enthralled to the stunning imagery of the movie, I was subtly disappointed in the incongruity between movie and book (though such divergence is to be expected). Additionally, I found that despite the movie’s three-hour length, it felt like it was rushing through key scenes at break-neck speeds.

Narnia got the better end of the motion picture stick. With a smaller page count, Andrew Adamson was able to give The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe fair treatment. Having read the book many times, I can say that there is very little, if any, detail missing from page to screen. To his credit, Adamson even manages to flesh out certain details (like the London bombing blitz; barely a sentence-worth in the book). As such, Narnia gets a better representation on screen, and readers of the book will be well-satisfied.

That said, I believe the Lord of the Rings movie series is more timeless, and will continue to beguile audiences well past its 25^th-year anniversary, while Narnia will fill DVD collections for a few years, falling into oblivion as DVDs are replaced with some new technology.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(There are numerous parallels between the two worlds that I would love to draw on, but I think my readership is thinning and I’m scared to bore you any more than I already have).

Top Ten Still-Living Singers

I felt like writing down my list of favorite singers because I enjoy their music and their talent so much. I want to pay homage to it somehow. This is far from a comprehensive list; I’ve included only the singers which I find personally inspiring and talented; not the best-selling or most popular singers (though there are some of those, too). Nothing is written about their songwriting or lyrical abilities. Also, I won’t give out any posthumous awards. If I did, I would simply have to write Ray Charles’s name down ten times. Finally, there are three qualities I considered when handing out the awards: timbre, range and vocal control. Most of the following singers have all three in spades.

1) Stevie Wonder- Solo/Motown

Stevie was born on the same planet as Ray Charles, wherever that is. I say that because there’s no way either of those two guys are of this world. Every time Stevie opens his mouth to sing, the world is filled with Wonder. How does he make it sound so good? Of course, Stevie has to be credited with setting the standard for the R&B world; a standard very few people have ever attained.

2) Bono- U2

Bono covers a lot of the same ground that Thom York covers, but despite his constant self-effacement, Bono’s voice kicks ass. And with Bono, it’s all timbre. It’s impossible to listen to his voice and not think: cool. Whether he’s saturating a Sinatra tune with his whiskey voice or finding what he’s looking for with his U2 band mates, he does it with such panache. Forget his political leanings, his incredible net worth or his charitable causes; it’s all about that voice. That voice that fills a room like the smoke from a fine Havana; that voice that ricochets off stadium walls, or in the President’s ear—it’s all Bono.

3) Alicia Keys- Solo

Holy crap. That’s all you can say about Alicia Keys. Her voice is as beautiful as her appearance, and that’s saying a lot. Alicia’s got it all: range, control, timbre, and she has it all in droves. Who doesn’t fall on their ass when they hear the second verse of Fallin’? Same goes with If I Ain’t Got You. Shivers.

4) Thom York- Radiohead

What Thom is missing in looks, God compensated by giving him one of the most beautiful voices on the planet. I wouldn’t say he’s incredibly versatile, but what Thom does, he does better than anyone. Besides having a bitchin’ Bono impersonation, Thom sings like an angel, and if you’ve ever seen him live, you know he can do it every bit as well live. He can hold the notes from here to forever, and on the way, you float on a cloud.

5) Andy Sturmer- Jellyfish/Solo

Andy is a phenomenal talent, despite having only put out a few significant albums. His genius writing style is reflected in the ‘smart-rock’ music of folks like Ben Folds, but his voice deserves serious consideration. He’s definitely the best stand-up drummer/singer the world has ever seen. Andy is the meter by which pop vocalists are measured. Not only does he have incredible timbre, but he has amazing control—all while playing the drums! And if you check out the Jellyfish box-set, you’ll see that he was as good live as he was in the Studio.

6) Rufus Wainwright- Solo

Although I like Rufus’s songs, his talent is most apparent when he interprets others’ songs. His milky voice warms up already great songs like, He Ain’t Heavy… and Rufus is probably the only person on the planet who could have dared touch Jeff Buckley’s interpretation of Leonard Cohen’s brilliant, Hallelujah. Finally confirming that Rufus’s talent best serves him as an interpreter of songs rather than a writer, his performance of Across the Universe would make John Lennon Blush.

7) Fiona Apple- Solo

She’s young but she sings with the maturity of a ripened old crooner, sometimes calling forth the spirit of Ella Fitzgerald. Her voice sounds so pure, and it’s very versatile. On top of her jazzier musings, Fiona can out-Avril any young punk around.

8) Daniel Johns- Silverchair/The Dissociatives

Daniel may be one of the most underrated singers in the music industry, possibly because of his association with heavy rock (an immediate classification of “low-brow” music by the illuminati, despite Daniel’s mature songwriting and arrangement abilities). Johns has incredible vocal control and a really interesting timbre. He’s set apart from the grunge movement where his band, Silverchair, came of age. His voice is raw, it has range and power, but also delicate beauty. John could go a lot further than his Silverchair bandmates.

9) Sheryl Crow- Solo

I don’t know how Sheryl got the backup singing gig for MJ. Her voice is incredible, but it seems to me far too interesting in timbre to be useful as a background singer. Oh no, Sheryl deserves to be right up in front. She has a bevy of crappy singles mixed in with some decent ones, and I don’t really like the minor key/country-ish stuff she does (although she does pull it off. I just don’t like it). Sheryl is a pleasure to listen to; her touring band is one of the best in the world, making room for her charming voice to hit every note with confidence.

10) Joss Stone- Solo

Forget that she’s surrounded herself with incredible jazz and blues musicians, forget that she’s British, she’s blonde and she’s barely old enough to vote. Just listen to her voice. By some freak of nature, Joss was blessed with the soul of Billie Holliday (minus the heroin). She belongs to the club of June Christy and Anita O’Day, and does a mean Janis Joplin impersonation. Joss’s future is looking bright. Not to mention that when she turns 18, she’s going to have a lot of guys banging down her door.

Honourable Mentions:

Paul McCartney- Almost 64, and he sings like he was 20.
Justin Timberlake- He’s almost crawled out from under the N’Synch Rug. Almost.
Chris Martin- More of the same, but still a pretty voice.
Sting- Dude’s got range. Ever tried singing Roxanne? Unique is the word here.
Sarah McLaughlin- Great range and timbre. Squeaky highs, but she still rocks.
Chris Robinson (Black Crowes)- Amazing Timbre.
Chuck Norris
Hawksley Workman- A bit Bono, a bit Tom Waits, all Hawksley. He didn’t make the list, but he’ll clean up in the songwriters competition.

Worst singers of our time (this was not a hard list to compile, unfortunately)

Scott Stapp- Creed
Raine Maida- Our Lady Peace
Chad Kroeger- Nickelback
Billy Corgan- Smashing Pumpkins
Jonathan Davis- Korn
Axl Rose- Guns N’ Roses
Dexter Holland- The Offspring
Darius Rucker- Hootie and the Blowfish
Gavin Rossdale- Bush
Scott Stapp- Oops, did I put him in here again?

Too cool for the idiot Box

The addictiveness of television notwithstanding, I dislike pretentious people who say they don’t like TV just because that’s the thing to say. It’s okay to like entertainment; it’s okay to like movies and music, but TV is demonized by people who want to project an image of the busy person. These people feign an image of the socialite who’s always at the latest Hollywood party, and so would never have time to watch the latest Animal Planet. Or we see the intellectual who’s too deep in philosophical study to ever have time to switch on the tube. Of course, the line is always, “oh I’d rather read than watch TV.” Then we find a hybrid of the two: the super socialite, out conjuring their cures for cancer, meeting the President and then retiring to their abode to spend an evening with Dickens.

I’m a literature major so I love to read; I love to hang out and meet new people, and like everyone else in this post-modernist society, I’m a very busy person. But at least I’m honest with myself and with everyone else. (Are you ready for this?) Ladies and Gentlemen, I watch TV! That’s right, I watch the news, the Learning Channel, comedies, movies and—dare I say it—television dramas. Sometimes it’s nice to unplug and let the TV do the thinking for me and sometimes I learn a lot watching TV.

These same people who claim to never watch the evil idiot box also seem to own the Seinfeld box sets (as I do) and readily quote The Simpsons. I’ve known people who truly don’t watch television, and never have, and these people seem to have a pop-culture handicap. They don’t understand many of the jokes that fly around, and I think that TV has performed a sort of humour calisthenics for a new generation weaned on The Family Guy and other such intelligent satire. This isn’t an essay in defense of television, but generally, most people have a sharper sense of humour founded in irony, than they would have without good TV programming. Most people, except that guy in the office who was raised in the Ozarks and doesn’t understand what sponge-worthy means. Him, or the countless hordes out there finding a cure for cancer, socializing with Steve Spielberg or curling up for a long night of War and Peace.

Something tells me I’m into something good.

In coming to write my blog, I’ve found that the salient posts are often made because of an encounter with my fellow man (or in the case of Patrick Yap: an amoeba). Since my living conditions have changed somewhat, I haven’t had as much opportunity to blog; not because I’m not interacting with people, but rather because I haven’t had a lot of conflicts. So here is a list of random thoughts:

In “Frosty’s Winter Wonderland,” Jack Frost is Evil. In the Bass & Rankin version, Jack Frost is a good guy. So, Hollywood, which is it? Is Jack Frost the narcissistic sadist in the former, or the love-struck gentleman of the latter? If you ask me, Jack Frost is an instrument of the Republican overlords, sent here to push down the honest, Democrats. Winter is here because George Bush hates black people and George Bush is here because someone hates us.

In other news, I like ampersands. I even like the word ampersand, so I’ve included one in my post. Of course, it fits well; one doesn’t just go shoe-horning ampersands willy-nilly. That would be irresponsible.

NBC’s “The Office,” has moved time slots. It seems unfair of NBC to move around such a great show, but at least they won’t have to compete with another great show, “American Idol.” At least moving time slots will allow me to return to my Tuesday night habit of stabbing myself in the ears with a Q-tip so I will never, never have to watch “American Idol.”

I find myself strangely attracted to Sam the Snowman, Burl Ives’s alter ego in “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Also on the list, Megan Mullally, Zooey Deschanel, Jenna Fischer, bugs bunny (dressed up as a woman, naturally) and Natalie Portman.

Take the readers’ pole. George Bush: Great President or Greatest President?