Conservative non sequiturs.

Last night I watched a fascinating ABC program which projected the seven most likely scenarios precipitating the end of human civilization. Of course, these were merely projections, but it was a sobering program which explored the perils we bring upon ourselves, as well as the natural ones which threaten to destroy us.

It would be easy to accuse ABC of fear mongering, a not-uncommon practice on the prime time news airwaves these days. But the producers took a methodical (if somewhat dramatic) approach, discussing the various paths of humanity, beset with hazards, and arranged them in ascending order of likelihood. Hazards included black holes, super volcanoes, nuclear winter, genetically engineered super-viruses and of course, the killer asteroid. What a comfort for right-wing icons like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity who, with such authority and scientific clout, proclaim that the number one potential extinction level event (E.L.E.) according to the majority of scientists the world around, is a hoax.

That’s right, the number one most likely event to kill off humanity is that scientific apparition, climate change (aka global warming). What a relief for these hobbyist climatologists to watch us foolish tree-huggers as we clamor to fix a problem that doesn’t even exist. Boy will our faces be red when those rising sea levels don’t wash away miles of shorelines; when the world won’t go through a drought; when billions of people don’t starve to death.

Of course I hesitate to point out to my conservative iconoclasts, the similarities between this situation and the pseudo-science that has been used to prop up the consumption of cigarettes. In the cigarette example, a small group of scientists (read: paid actors with degrees) banded together to proclaim, “I believe nicotine is not addictive.” Now, ignore the overwhelming possibility that these people were hired by large tobacco companies to blunt the rising awareness that cigarettes are addictive. What are the odds, really? Surely the giant corporations wouldn’t act in their own self-interest if it meant millions of people would die. We can trust the large corporations to stay out of science and lobbying, and that includes oil and coal companies. Sure they could pay exorbitant amounts of money to scientists to poison the well of scientific debate and fool society into thinking there is actually a question on climate change, versus the reality- but where would they get all that money? (I’m looking at you, Mr. windfall from rising gas prices).

Okay, so what if the majority of the global community believes that global warming is upon us. This is the same crackpot group of people who theorize about the so-called “holocaust“. We all know there are 11 million people out there hiding in Brazil somewhere, waiting to jump out of the bushes and shout out to Hilter, “gotcha!”

Mr. Limbaugh, Mr. Hannity, the global community is sitting down to the table to discuss these pressing issues, which you regard as mere phantasms. You are leaders of men and respected figures in the community. Wake up and smell the science. Lead your people! The earth is not flat; lead cannot be turned into gold; you cannot drink from the same fountain for all eternity without the fountain running dry.