The Hunt for Oscar (Forgive my formatting problems)

Well it’s that time again. The betting pools are closed; the dresses are cut and fitted; the nipples have been band-aided; and celebrities are currently dodging Joan Rivers with the enthusiasm of a Jake and Heath on set.

Now that I’m a west-coaster, I won’t have to wait up until 1:00 am to see the Oscar results. But it also means I don’t have a lot of time to demonstrate my supernatural ability to estimate which nominees will take home Oscar. In a few more hours, you’ll think I picked up from the East Coast feed to guess the winners. Well not me: this is all me baby:

I’m going to have to breeze through this, so forgive the absence of my typical wit and literary dexterity. Down to it:

Category Nominations Winner

Actor in a Leading Role
Philip Seymore Hoffman, CAPOTE
Terrance Howard, HUSTLE & FLOW
Heath Ledger: BROKEBACK…
Joaquin Phoenix: WALK THE LINE
David Strathairn: GOOD NIGHT…
Winner: Philip Seymore Hoffman* (CORRECT)

Actor in a Supporting Role
George Clooney, SYRIANA
Matt Dillon, CRASH
Paul Giamatti, CINDERELLA MAN
Jake Gyllenhaal, BROKEBACK…
William Hurt: A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
Winner: Paul Giammatti* (WRONG- George Clooney)

Actress in a Leading Role
Judi Dench, MRS HENDERSON PRESENTS
Felicity Huffman, TRANSMERICA
Keira Knightly, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
Charlize Theron, NORTH COUNTRY
Reese Witherspoon, WALK THE LINE
Winner: Reese Witherspoon* (CORRECT)


Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams, JUNEBUG
Catherine Keener, CAPOTE
Frances McDormand, NORTH COUNTRY
Rachel Weisz, THE CONSTANT GARDENER
Michelle Williams, BROKEBACK…
Winner: Catherine Keener* (WRONG- Rachel Weisz)

Directing
Ang Lee, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Bennett Miller, CAPOTE
Paul Haggis, CRASH
George Clooney, GOODNIGHT…
Steven Spielberg, MUNICH
Winner: Paul Haggis* (WRONG- Ang Lee)

Best Picture
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
CRASH
GOODNIGHT & GOODLUCK
MUNICH
Winner: BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN* (WRONG - CRASH. YEAH!)


Adapted Screenplay
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
MUNICH
Winner: A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE* (WRONG- BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN)

Original Screenplay
CRASH
GOODNIGHT & GOOD LUCK
MATCH POINT
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
SYRIANA
Winner: CRASH* (CORRECT)

Cinematography
BATMAN BEGINGS
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
GOOD NIGHT & GOOD LUCK
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
THE NEW WORLD
Winner: MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA* (CORRECT)

Documentary Feature
DARWIN’S NIGHTMARE
ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUYS IN THE…
MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
MURDERBALL
STREET FIGHT
Winner: MARCH OF THE PENGUINS* (CORRECT)

Best Visual Effects
NARNIA
KING KONG
WAR OF THE WORLDS
Winner: KING KONG* (CORRECT)

*Why?

Actor: Because people are tired of bio pics. No one wants to see Joaquin running around singing Johnny Cash in every damn interview, the way that Jamie Foxx did after he won his statue. Plus, Philip’s great acting needs to finally be recognized.

S/Actor: Because Paul Giamatti really deserved a statue for SIDEWAYS, but he was up against Jamie Foxx. That’s just not fair.

Leading Female Actor: Reese. Easy pick.

Supporting Female Actor: Catherine Keener, because she stood out, despite the dominating role that Hoffman put forward. It’s easy to get overlooked, but I think the industry will recognize Catherine’s contribution to the film. That, and Frances McDormand is already recognized as brilliant.

Director: Paul Haggis because he’s Canadian. And because it was a well-executed film. I haven’t met a person who didn’t enjoy Crash.

Best Picture: I think it should be CRASH, but I think the academy will flock to BROKEBACK mostly for political reasons. The premise to me doesn’t seem that interesting. An ironic juxtaposition, yes, but not that clever. Doesn’t push any boundaries, other than to polarize the people who will continue to accept homosexuality, and those who will forever rebuff that group. Like I said: ithis category will be political.

Adapted Screenplay: A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE deserves this win because the film was so completely ignored in almost every category. It was so deserving, and was almost completely shut out. This will be the Academy’s way to redeem itself. Sort of.

Original Screenplay: Crash was such a well-written script. Yes, it relied on many unlikely coincidences, but in the literary world, you can just call it synchronicity. It’s very difficult to write a script with an ensemble cast, yet Paul Haggis manages to do so without being preachy or overreaching.

Cinematography: Geisha. I don’t know why.

Documentary: I think it might go to MURDERBALL, because there are certain subjects and themes that gain immediate attention in Hollywood, including race, sexual orientation, and physical handicap, but those Penguins are survivors and they’ll survive here. If not, at least they didn’t have to rent tuxedos for tonight’s ceremony.

Best Visual Effects: I think it’ll go to Peter, because the other films were not as strong, visually. KONG wasn’t perfect, but it was overall stronger, visually. Adamson isn’t as developed as a director as Peter is. It’s hard to be, when you break in from the cartoon world. Peter’s already got enough golden statue weight at home, but it’ll go to him.

Most neglected movie of the year: A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE. Damn you, Hollywood!

Notes: William Hurt was in A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE for such a short part of the film; he did a great job, but barely represents the great film he was a part of.
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Well, I did okay. I changed some choices right, right at the last minute. That's kinda cheating, but Cherie and Larry can attest that I changed one of these these answers: Director. I had a last minute change of heart. All of a sudden, I just knew Ang Lee would win. So, I got 7 of 11, or 63% Could have been better, but not bad overall. I'm glad I was wrong about BEST PICTURE. Go Crash!