Interview with Canada: ten questions.

Hi Canada. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with us.

Canada: No problem. I wasn’t really doing anything anyway.

Q: So what have you been up to lately?

A: I’m working on a solo album. It’s sort of a mix between Joni Mitchell and Nickelback, with a little bit of jazz mixed in. Oh, and I’ve started my own clothing line. “Canad-uh Clothing,” as in, “duh, don’t you want to buy this?” It’s really avant-guard.

Q: Canada, everyone’s dying to know- what makes you so special?

A: If you don’t already know, I’m not going to tell you.

Q: Fair enough. If there was a war between Europe and the United States, which side would you fight with?

A: Hmmm, that’s a tough one. I’d probably wait and see what Australia did, then do the opposite.

Q: Boxers or briefs?

A: Commando a la Paris Hilton.

Q: Why do you like hockey so much?

A: Uh, I dunno. I guess hockey is my passion. That, and trading beaver pelts, while eating whale blubber in my igloo with your Mom.

Q: What’s a toque?
A: It’s the correct way to spell and write ‘beanie’ or wool hat.

Q: If I sew a Canadian flag on my backpack while traveling abroad, I am….

A: An imposter. Build up your own good will, asshole.

Q: If you could be any other country, what country would you be?
A: Burkina Faso. I don’t know why.

Q: What’s your least-favourite part of Canada?
A: My butt-hole (aka Windsor).

Q: Last question. Any hobbies?

A: Antagonizing America is kinda fun. But you gotta keep it within reason. America still owes me money after last Friday’s poker game.