Etiquette for your, um, brella

Today I was poked rather viciously by a man brandishing a large umbrella. In a moment of distraction, my assailant let his umbrella slip and, like a jouster’s lance, thrust his unassuming weapon into my chest. It wasn’t a crippling blow, but it wasn’t quite gentle either. So you must be wondering if he stopped and asked me if I was okay, or if he had time to because he was apologizing profusely, right? Wrong. Apparently I was in the poor umbrella’s way and the man could offer me no more than a terse, insincere, “sorry.” Excuse me? I’ve given better apologies to people who have stepped on my feet (as a proper Canadian should). If I had an umbrella handy at that moment, I could have quickly found a convenient place to put it. And then I’d open it, of course.